I got really scared on Monday and I had to act. Josh told me that after we got in a fight on Saturday night that we went to his cousin's house. He had a few beers and decided to go home after some girls came over and started to do drugs.
No big deal. He left and that's all that matters. He didn't tell me the rest of what happened that night until Monday.
He calls me around 1:30 Monday afternoon and confesses to be that while he was on his way home he put his gas pedal to the floor and closed his eyes and let go of the wheel while he was driving. He said that he drove into a corn field and wound up slamming on the brakes when he finally came to.
He called his therapist after we got off the phone and we both went and talked to him at 3. He was going to make him wait until the 16th but that's just ridiculous. We sat down and talked with him for about 20 minutes. We talked about how Josh doesn't stay on his medicine when he's prescribed it and how he's impulsive and keeps losing every job he gets. The therapist said that since Josh wasn't suicidal at that moment they probably wouldn't take him in the hospital. He said it was worth trying to see if they would keep him there to start him back on some meds to straighten him out.
We left the office and drove back to Josh's house. I thought it would be best for him to go to the hospital. There's nothing else I could think of doing because I didn't want to leave him alone and I didn't want to take any chance of him being overwhelmed with those feelings again and this time not making it back out.
I took him to Silver Cross and they immediately took him, strip searched him, and put him in a room with a wrist band/alarm that would go off if he tried to leave. We were there from about 4-11:15PM. There was a lot that happened in that time but there was also a lot of waiting around for answers.
He talked to the social worker (which I wasn't in the room for because he kicked me out) at the hospital first and told her the story about the car and said that he's been having suicidal thoughts at night before bed. He said she told him that they couldn't keep him at that hospital because he has no insurance but that he would have to be transferred to some other facility.
The screener came in next and asked him a lot of the same questions the social worker did. She said even though he wasn't suicidal at that moment there was no way they could release him and the doctor had already determined that he needed to be hospitalized.
She said he had a 50/50 chance of ending up in a local hospital or going to some place downtown called Madden. Josh told me he had heard of Madden. It was a state hospital that people who are violent or on drugs usually get sent to. He looked so scared at that point. He was on the verge of tears, telling me what he did was stupid and it would never happen again. I wanted to believe that but I knew that even if walking out of there was an option I wouldn't feel safe leaving him alone.
After a few hours the social worker came back in and said he would be going to St. Joe's, the hospital right by his house. To say he was relieved is quite the understatement. We had been sitting there for hours just going through the possibilities of what was going to happen and both of us were just nervous wrecks.
At 11:15 the transportation people came and took him to the hospital where he has been for 3 days.
I've been talking with him on the phone since there hasn't been visiting hours for me to see him and I have to say that the correct decision was made for sure. He hasn't sounded even close to this good in a few months and it sounds like all the group therapy he has been participating in has been very beneficial.
We had a meeting yesterday with his social worker at this hospital and she said that he is doing very well and has been very responsive and compliant with the treatment they have been giving him. They put him on prozac and he's been taking it like he's supposed to.
I know it's only been a few days but I think this experience has really scared him into doing what is right by him and making the necessary changes for him to lead the most healthiest and most fulfilled life he can.
He gets to come home tomorrow and I can't wait to pick him up and get him away from that scary place. At the same time, I have been burned too many times to think that this is the change and the correct help he needed to finally make progress with his life. I'm trying to be optimistic but I honestly need to see the changes in action in order to put my full faith into it.
I'm tired of all the sad stories. I need some happy ones to write about and hopefully the next time I write here it will be because I have some great, wonderful news and I can't wait to write it down.
